From Our Hag To Yours

Weekly advice from a girl who has been around.

This Week's Edition: Ways to treat your chief hag.

Tip#3) This is more a general rule for friends, don't drop her like a hot potato cause you found a new trick. I find that a lot of my gays use me as a crutch when they don't have a bf or prospect, but as soon as the new boy comes along, I become obsolete. Everyone gets caught up in the excitement of new romance, but always remember who was at your door with wine and hugs when you got stood up by a guy you really liked!

From Our Hag To Yours - How To Keep Her #2

Weekly advice from a girl who has been around.

This Week's Edition: Ways to treat your chief hag.

Tip #2) Try your best to sometimes do things that she likes. Every great fruit fly loves to go to gay bars, but from time to time, humor her and go to a straight bar (without complaining). It will make her feel validated and appreciated. Straights tend to have a lot of open bars, so you might not even have to buy overpriced drinks like we have to at The Ritz.

AND its always entertaining to try and "turn" straight boys! But whatever you do, make sure you don't try to steal the boys we are trying to keep straight. We have to draw the line somewhere.

From Our Hag To Yours - How To Keep Her #1

Weekly advice from a gal who has been around!

You've done it, you've found the perfect girl to complement you and your group's little dynamic. She's wry and sparkly and FUN! But it can be difficult to keep a good girl happy, because us women, we can be a little "challenging". There I said, I own it! But since we are worth the effort, here's what I think will help you keep her.

Tip #1) Remember: She is a girl.

Its easy to forget, but you should treat her like your sister. You wouldn't take your sister to a bath house, would you? Well, then don't take your main girl there either. Don't leave her stranded in the Eagle because girls aren't allowed upstairs. Accompany her to the bathroom if it is super sketchy at Boiler Room (OK, I am basing this on an actual horrible experience I had there - maybe that was an exception!). Point being treat her as a friend, and remember there is a good chance she isn't going to pick up a super sketchy bear at The Cock, so you probably shouldn't either.

From Our Hag To Yours: Tip #3

This Week's Edition: How to get a great hag, and how to keep her!

Tip #3) Test her out

Invite her to a party that is primarily gay men, no less than 75%. Then release her into the wild. See how many boys flock to her. See how many men are giving her their number before giving it to you. PLEASE make sure she can handle her liquor. You want someone who is comfortable in these extreme settings, so you know she will cool with the run of the mill Thursday night Beer Blast at Therapy. If she fails, release her back into throngs of gay men and let her find another guy because for every hag there is a gay man who will love her unconditionally flaws and all.

From Our Hag To Yours: Tip #2

This Week's Edition: How to get a great hag, and how to keep her!

Tip #2) Get group approval

Run said female by your main gays. It won't take but five minutes before they bitch about her behind her back or try to steal her from you.

You want a girl who everybody loves, otherwise, it will get awkward fast if you have to babysit her while out at B Bar.

Outgoing, confident, and not afraid to discuss blow jobs in graphic detail seem to be a prerequisite. This is not a role for shy or timid or the ugly for that matter.

Make sure she attracts cute guys rather than repel them. Remember only ugly people hang out with ugly people. Everyone can be beautiful on the inside, but being beautiful on the outside is what counts.

From Our Hag to Yours: Tip #1

This Week's Edition: How to get a great hag, and how to keep her!

I'll be chiming in from time to time as your insight into the world of queer living in NYC, as seen through the eyes of your favorite fruit fly. Now, I know all you boys love the company of men...as friends, as lovers, as tricks, but every guy needs a little estrogen in his life (and I don't mean going to see Peppermint at Barracuda). Hopefully by now, you all have established your best girl, your main hag, but if you haven't or are looking to upgrade, here is tip 1:

1) Play the field: Every girl is charmed by a man who showers her with compliments, loves boozy Sunday brunches, and enjoys a 45 minute phone conversation rehashing the subtleties of Top Model. But not all girls are committed to the idea of true gay male best friend. They view it more like an accessory that every single girl in NYC needs. That was probably how I started off with my first gay BFF, but I quickly learned that it takes more than a shared love of Kelly Clarkson and Rock of Love to keep these friendships alive. Make sure the female in question is interested in more than your stunning fashion sense, and you have hit the ground running.